It’s no secret that life is busy. Parenting is a full-time job and it’s not your only responsibility so your time is definitely in demand. If you feel like your child sometimes gets the short end of the stick when it comes to receiving your positive attention (because let’s be honest, 15 reminders to put dishes in the sink or turn bedroom lights off probably doesn’t count as warm-and-fuzzy parent-child contact), here are five simple ways to connect with your child. And, by simple I mean you don’t need to buy anything, plan anything, or spend a ton of time (that you might not have today). Screen-Free Meals Screens are definitely a source of distraction for kids and parents. If you make a point to designate the dinner table a screen-free zone and make sure your son or daughter eats there, you’ll have more time to interact. Even if you’re not eating at the same time, try to find your way to the table and leave smartphones and tablets out of reach. If this is already part of your family’s routine, great. If not, don’t panic. Start small and aim for a few screen-free meals a week or begin with dinner and build from there. These don’t have to be mind-blowing conversations; just chatting with your child is plenty good enough. Unplugged Car Rides I know, again with the screens—because they are everywhere! Most kids and adults are plugged in to some sort of technology while in the car, so ditching the screens is something to try—possibly in moderation and probably not during a five hour road-trip to Grandmas. When you avoid phone calls and ask your kids to skip the iPad or DVD player, you’ll make space for conversation while you’re running errands or doing the million other things on your daily to-do list. This practice will definitely help you stay more connected with your child. Lend Your Ear for 10 Minutes This may sound super easy because ten minutes is really not that much time in the big picture. However, days are busy and when you’re running in five directions at once, every minute counts. Simply stated, kids crave undivided attention and it’s often hard to make that happen. Plus, you might be surprised by how many times you’re tempted to interrupt or offer your opinion to your child during the course of a conversation. Carving out a few minutes a day to really listen to your child’s ideas, gripes, and feelings without judging is a great way to stay connected. Lighten Up As a parent you have a lot to keep track of. You have to keep your child safe, which from toddlers to teens sometimes feels like climbing an avalanche. Plus, there are veggies to be eaten (or groaned about), teeth to be brushed, homework to be done, rules to be followed, and the list goes on and on. Parenting requires you to be the heavy most of the time, but staying connected with your child is a heck of a lot easier if you find a way to lighten the mood on a regular basis. Personally, I try to keep the laughs going and get silly when my kids provide an opportunity knowing that we’ll get back to the routine in no time. Say Good Morning & Goodnight Depending on how old your child is this may be a no-brainer. In fact, when my kids were younger “goodnight” sometimes lasted hours and “good morning” started with a 2 a.m. co-sleeping session. But, as kids get older it’s easy to fall out of the habit of beginning and ending the day with a thoughtful moment of connection. If you’re out of the house before your child is awake or not home yet at bedtime, call to check in or leave a quick note. These simple acts send a clear message that your child is a priority and that you’re thinking of them no matter where you are. Want to talk more? Join Dr. Stephanie O'Leary for "20-minute Tuesdays"on Facebook LIVE. CLICK below. POST your questions. SHARE with friends. TUNE IN for real world answers.
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Kids doing chores is a serious win-win situation. Practically speaking, when your child does a household task, it takes one thing off of your parenting plate, which is fantastic. But the benefit of doing simple chores goes deeper for kids. Helping out around the house allows your child to experience feelings of mastery, build self-reliance, and learn responsibility.
That said, when life gets busy it may be hard to keep chores at the top of the to-do list. This is especially true if you get push-back from your child when you ask for help. Before you jump in and take care of everything yourself, consider these five tips and see if you can unlock some chore power in your home. 1. Make Chores Family Focused: Part of the power of chores is teaching your child the importance of helping others. If chores include tasks that only benefit your child, such as making their bed or cleaning their room, this lesson is lost. So, make sure your child does at least one thing that helps the entire family. 2. Let Your Child Choose: If your child is not yet in the habit of doing chores, let him or her decide on a task to take ownership of. You can make a few suggestions, but giving your child the option to select a chore will make follow-through easier. 3. Give Cool Job Titles: Kids, like adults, love a special job title. This helps set the tone for leadership and will allow your child to embrace the responsibility of their chore. Think Mail Master, Dusting Director, and VP of Dishwashing. Older kids may roll their eyes, but at the end of the day getting creative with titles will make a difference. 4. Don’t Give Allowance: At least not for doing chores. Research has shown that kids are actually less motivated to do chores when they’re being paid for them. So, don’t make chores a business transaction and you’ll give your child a great opportunity to learn the value of teamwork within your family. 5. Keep Some Things Off Limits: At least at first. There is a hidden beauty to telling your child he or she is not yet ready for certain household responsibilities. Honestly, toddlers should not be doing laundry and young kids should not be washing sharp knives. That said, when tasks are categorized or presented as being at different levels, it gives your child something to work towards.
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Thanksgiving is almost here and it’s only natural to be thinking about gratitude. As a parent, wouldn’t it be great to see your child keep the spirit of Thanksgiving going well past the holiday season? I definitely would! And when you stop to consider just how much instant gratification kids have come to expect, practicing gratitude is something that requires parental guidance. Here are three things you can do day-to-day to make gratitude a priority and teach your child to do the same.
1. Try to keep complaints in check: As a parent, hearing your child complain about little things can be frustrating, especially if you see how much he or she has to be thankful for. It’s hard to resist launching into a list of all the privileges available to your child to prove your point, but this can backfire because once your child feels judged it will be hard to get any message across. Try to curb complaints by telling your child you hear they’re frustrated, but that you trust they will find a way to deal with their challenge (even if you really don’t see it as a challenge at all!). Not only will you end the conversation much sooner, but you will send the message that your child is responsible for coping. In the long run, this cuts down on the habit of complaining because your child knows how you will respond. 2. Say you’re thankful every day: Gratitude is contagious, and it’s definitely something you want spreading through your family. If you get into the habit of saying you are thankful it will make a strong impression on your child. You are always in the spotlight and kids of all ages pay attention to the things you say and do even when it’s not directed at them (and even if it seems like you’re being actively ignored!). Start small by adding in heartfelt thank yous throughout the day and making a point to mention things you are grateful for. It may be as simple as mentioning someone who let you have the right-of-way while driving or a helpful salesperson who pointed you in the right direction. In general, we are far more likely to remember and talk about things that did not go well so making it a priority to discuss things you’re thankful for will have a big impact on your child. 3. Model generous behavior and notice when your child does the same: An amazing way to show gratitude is to give to others. Again, your actions and intentions have a tremendous impact on your child and you are always in the spotlight modeling your behavior. This can be as quick and effortless as a genuine smile given to a passer-by or as thoughtful as an act of charity that was planned in advance. Encouraging your child to behave in a similar way and noticing when he or she does will reinforce this pattern and keep it going strong after the turkey is served. If your family does give to charity during Thanksgiving, see if there are ways to keep helping throughout the year. Involve your kids so they remain aware of the need to help others. Not only is it fantastic for your child to give to others, but this practice will also help your son or daughter recognize what they have to be grateful for.
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Stephanie O'Leary, Psy.D.
Sharing practical strategies that help parents rediscover joy in their children (even when someone's crying, the phone is ringing, and it smells like the house may be burning down) Archives
October 2017
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